Man, I’m stoked. The anticipation is driving me nuts. There’s a buzz pinging around the auditorium - the rumor of Vole Lux showing up. Ha, ya’ right, Vole Lux, like she has time to revisit her old high school for a lame reunion. Shit, her Scanda/Japana tour starts in two days. Man, if I had the bucks I’d be in both places pronto!
We used to call her ‘Vole the Mole’ because she was like this timid rodent, all mousy looking with small yellow teeth. We didn’t even know what vole meant. I guess we did some mean things in high school back then but that was all… you know… well everybody was a dick. I autographed her yearbook on a dare from my buds, like they thought I didn’t have the balls. I remember she flinched when I approached, like I was going to punch her or something. I acted all nice, put on my best serious face. Her yearbook was empty from what I saw and I scribbled something like: Come out of that hole, Vole the Mole and face your ugly future!
And brother, I guess she did. Look at her now.
Man, her music kicks ass! ‘Mole’s Sunlight’ is an awesome album - should be Record of the Year in my book. And ‘Bonfire Grizzly’ just rips it up! And ‘I Shit in Your Barbeque’, oh God, don’t get me started; it’s a classic. You know, I’d like to think I had something to do with her success. Maybe she took my scribble to heart; I mean her music reeks balls of the ugly in this old world! Man, I hope she shows. Maybe she can autograph something for me like I did for her. She can write anything she wants, anywhere on my body. That’d be awesome. I mean it. Anywhere she wants. Anywhere man.